Kao peh kao bu（哭父哭母）+ a general note on Ancient Chinese Funeral

“Kao peh kao bu”(哭父哭母, cry father cry mother) is a typical hokkien vulgarity commonly used to describe people who excessively whine or complain (A Singapore MP used it once to describe Singaporean, with no ill intentions of course). However, it is actually a vulgarity used to curse someone parents to die early. Why is that so?  The phrase actually describes a protocol conducted in a traditional Chinese funeral. The sons and daughters have to cry intentionally in front of the guests ,who arrived at the mourning hall, in a rather dramatic way: They all have to cry aloud. For the guys, at a certain part in the funeral ritual, they will have to cry aloud while jumping up and down, banging their chest with their clutched fist. The technical term of this action is known as擗踴哭泣. That is also what “Kao peh kao bu” truly imply. Although one might think it’s perfectly normal to use this phrase in causal, informal occasion, please be mindful to those who truly understand what it means, and will be offended by it.

General note on Traditional Chinese Funeral

It may seem to you that the protocol of intentional crying is disingenuous or even ridiculous as one is required to cry in front of the crowds.  However, ancient Men who explained why funeral rituals should be at such certainly have good intentions in their mind.

These ancient men believed that losing one’s parents is the greatest sadness one must encounter in a lifetime. Thus, they came out with rituals and protocols to assist one to overcome the immense grief during the process. These protocols abide the following principles:

1. To intentionally make one extremely busy, especially right after the death of one’s parents. When one is busy with all the preparation for the funeral, one will not have luxury of time to be engulfed in grief. Meanwhile, the medicine “Time” will be applied to smoother the sadness.

2.  Mourning period of 25 month, which been traditionally rounded off as 3 years (Chinese are culturally insensitive with numbers. That is why 9 months plus of pregnancy has been rounded off as 10 months as well). The reason for the Three Years of Mourning (三年之丧) is to reciprocate the love we have received from our parents. Confucian famously said that we received 3 years of undivided attentions when we are infants being cuddle by our parents. It’s only fair of us to give them 3 years of undivided attention, serving them right after they passed. This makes sense for the ancient Chinese (referring to Zhou, Pre-Qin era) as they believed that when a person passed away, their soul carries on living with the living. In other words, they are rebirth in the parallel coexisting realm of the souls and spirits. As Chinese culturally serve the dead the same as how they serve the living, these newly rebirth spirits are similarly regard as infants in the new world. 

During mourning period, one will have to take a compulsory leave from their job (Paid or unpaid depends on your employer) . Sounds good, but they have to live a temporary self-imposed solitary confinement with your family. Any forms of entertainment or violation of restrictions during this period of time will only earn you scorns from basically everyone. Despite the fact that the Three Years of Mourning has been rendered as obsolete in modern society for obvious reasons, there are communities in countries like Vietnam who still conduct the Three Years of Mourning.

3.  How one truly feel must be coherent to one's bearings and actions. For example, there are 5 different dress codes and accompanying restrictions  for an ancient Chinese funeral. Which code to adhere with is primary determined by blood relation The deceased. The closer you are with the deceased, you will comply a stricter and heavier code to symbolise the extent of grief one is carrying. If one have a closer relationship with the decease beyond the dictated relationship one should have by blood, one is allowed to wear a heavier code. By wearing a heavier code you will have to wear clothes with rougher material and abide to restrictions which make you, literally, live terribly. These restrictions includes what type of food you will be eating, what type of bed you can sleep upon,what type of music one is allowed to listen during this period etc.. The rationale of having these restrictions is to create an environment that is an explicit instantiation or representation of one's state of mind. However, one is not allowed to wear a lighter code if they are not as close to each other as dictated by blood the first place (Like brothers and sisters, maternal cousins etc.). Throughout the mourning period, restrictions from the code are gradually lifted, serving as a reminder that you need to move on with life and the mourning has to end eventually.
  
As for the intentional crying mentioned in the very beginning of the post, is to let out all the grief one has for the deceased. Man handles grief very differently. Some let it all out by crying. Some just kept it within their hearts. The ancients have already noticed that it is never healthy for negative emotion to be remained kept and continuously accumulated within oneself. Thus the ancients came out with the protocol of intentional crying. In circumstances like this, feelings that are hidden can properly be expressed and vented out.   

Traditional customs have often been challenged and discarded in the age of modernity mostly due its incompatible with the fast-paced contemporary society which drives itself to pursue convenience and efficiency. However, is traditional customs simply "meaningless" due to its inconvenience and truly have nothing to offer to the modern age? 

On a side note, the custom of intentional crying has been preserve mainly in the southern parts of Taiwan. One of a few notable differences is that only Woman are required to take part in the act. This is reflected in the Taiwan made movie, 《父後七日》, also known as 7 Days in Heaven. The link is provided below. Have a look if you are interested. Unfortunately, I cannot find a version with English Sub.  I am very sorry about that.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%E7%88%B6%E5%BE%8C%E4%B8%83%E6%97%A5&sm=3   

人尽可夫（All Man are husband）+A general note regarding remarriage in Traditional Chinese Culture

Phrase: 人皆可夫/人尽可夫

(Hanyu Pinyin: Ren2 Jie1 Ke3 Fu1/ Ren2 Jin4 Ke3 Fu1)

Meaning: To describe ladies who are……promiscuous.

    This is the perfect case of taking something out of the context and blown it out of proportion. If you are familiar with Ren Jie Ke Fu’s origin, you will realise that this phrase does not describe promiscuous behaviour. 

    Allow me to summarise the story behind the Chinese idiom (成语) first.  Long time ago (697 B.C to be exact), in the dukedom of Zheng (郑, it is somewhere around Henan region in China today), the Duke of Zheng was merely a puppet on the throne. The one who held true power was his chancellor Zai Zhong (祭仲). Due to fear and perhaps the desire to restore the former glory of his family, the Duke of Zheng began to plot against Zai Zhong. He even persuaded Zai Zhong’s son in law to join his cause. Soon after, Zai Zhong’s daughter found out about her husband collaboration with the Duke and their subsequence plan of assassination. Caught in between the conflict, she didn’t know what to do and who to side. She wrote a letter to her Mother asking the question: "Who is more important to a women. Is it the father or the husband? Her Mum replied as such, “My silly girl, why such question? It’s your father of course. All Men are potential spouse (人，皆可夫), but you can only have one father”. That is the first recorded version of the question “If your mum and I are drowning in the river, who do you rescue first?” Listened to her Mum’s advice, we can all assume what happen next.

    From the above origin story, you would realise that within the context Ren Jie Ke Fu only convey the message “All Men are potential spouse”. But once it is taken out of the context, we interpret the phrase on face value, which refers to promiscuous behaviour as the phrase literally mean “All Men is one’s husband”. The “potential” aspect can only be understood within the context through thorough reading of the text.

    So next time, when you do any reading and stuff, please be mindful of the context it is in. Conflicts and misunderstandings easily arise when we only take things on face value, and assume that we understand.

 

Side note: A general note regarding remarriage in Traditional Chinese Culture 

 

    Reading the above introduction to 人尽可夫, you may have realised that remarriage might be common in ancient China for "All Men are potential spouse" to make sense. This somehow contradict with the impression that widow’s remarriage is unacceptable in traditional Chinese culture. Widows who seems to be unfaithful will submit themselves to the scorns and harsh punishment set by the society. 浸猪笼, which refers to the act of placing the “adulterers”(The woman may be widow) or those who perform fornication in pig cage and drown them in a nearby river, is unfortunately one of the punishments. Generally speaking, such impressions have truth in it. However, one must understand that the notion of widow's remarriage being unacceptable is considered recent in the Chinese culture. Thus it is completely normal and ok for Zai Zhong daughter to remarry.

    Why is it considered recent? This concept is only prevalent during early modern to modern times, namely, Ming and Qing dynasty(we are now at the era of contemporary). Before that, which is like for 3000+ years of history, remarriage is the norm of the society. They even have melodramatic stories during the Wei Jin period (Around AD 300) detailing how Parents tricked their daughters into remarriage. Tricked their daughters into remarriage? Isn’t that as cruel as not allowing them to remarry. But you may want to understand, in anicent time, Man has a very low average life expectancy, especially during chaotic times. In Three Kingdom era for example, Man's average life expectancy is below 25.  Thus many women became widows at a very young age. Furthermore, woman in ancient China are not as financial independent as compared to our female counterpart today. An extra member in the family implies the increase in household's expenditure. Not to mention when the widow has kids to raise. For “for your own sake” and financial reasons, remarriage is the norm of the society as it is the most pragmatic way to maintain a living (If you are interested in the stories I have mentioned, please let me know and I will try to share it). 

    You may have argued that the government throughout most dynasties provide economic incentives like tax exemption and commendation for the widows who remains widowed. This implies that the behaviour of remaining faithful to the late husband is highly encouraged. True enough, there are policies that encouraged widows to remain faithful. But are these policies structured solely to encourage widow say no to remarriage? I will like to bring two points into your attention.

1.  Firstly, the job of the government is to take good care of its people. Financial incentives, from another point of view, can be regarded as financial assistance. As mentioned earlier, widows who refuse remarriage, by their own will, are at a huge economic disadvantage. They either have no breadwinner in the family or have to rely on their own parents or brothers ,who most likely, barely meeting their ends. In traditional Chinese culture, the state or government is like a father. A father’s duty is to take care of his kids. It is only natural for the government to provide aid for widow who remained unmarried for a period of time.
2. Secondly, widows who held true to their late husband, to the extend of sacrificing their life against all forms of persuade and extortion into remarriage is commended simply because they are commendable. If we find a man who willingly sacrifices his individual life for values he believe or stay true to his kings and lords commendable, why shouldn’t a woman who willingly stay true to her late husband be regarded as the same. Remarriage is a choice. It's mostly a forceful one, but it is not a requirement. It does however, requires great deal of self-sacrifice when one refuse remarriage due to the economic woes as mentioned earlier. Thus, commending widows who choose to remain faithful to her love is only a logical result when one commends loyal Men who hold true to their values rather than their own life and personal gains.

    How do these changes occur then, from allowing remarriage for widows to the unlawful ban on remarriage? Most scholars agree that it is the rise of Neo-Confucianism which influences this paradigm shift. Neo-Confucianism scholars greatly empathise on the moral fulfillment, where we have to get rid of our desire and do what is just and right. As Neo-Confucianism became more and more influential, what they have advocated became requirements and doctrines of the society. And thus, a widow must stay true to his late husband till the very end her life and any wants to remarriage is merely human’s desire that we have to get rid of. This paradigm shift is the very bane for Neo-Confucianism. Future scholars, together with educated Man and Woman, criticise the Neo-Confucianists as the cause of all the grievously inhumane punishment given to the poor widows. However, this is not what the Neo-Confucianists truly advocate. They speak of upholding values as an individual choice through realisation and awakening of the moral self, not as a doctrine which enforces on the others. People are encouraged and enlightened to fulfill moral obligation, not through force and social pressure. Their influence in Chinese history which results in this predicament is ironically, against what they have believed.

    Nowadays for the Chinese, remarriage is not much of a taboo anymore. However, some deformed Neo-Confucianism mentality still remains with us. Neo-Confucianist believes that all Man is born with the potential of perfectibility. “A sage is as human as we all. If a sage can do it, we can do it.” Sounds familiar, let’s do a little twit, “John from Class A can score 100 for his Maths exam. Peter from your class also score 100 for his Math. If they can do it, why can’t you do it?” Similar to the case of widow’s remarriage, words that initially meant to be encouraging later becomes the constant ghost in the banquet. Surely, we would not allow the ghost to further haunt our future generations. But to restore intentions as they meant to intent, or to rid away any trace of such supposedly old fashion autocratically demanding ideals once and for all? This is the question indeed.    

Final Ramble- A Thank you note

I would like to thanks those who have like, commented and given advice to this series. So I don't really expect these long stuff, I really treasure every like and comments it has been received.

I have th...ought of a similar idea like this two years ago, and the original idea is to translate what I have learnt during my course of study. However, I was reluctant to put it into action due to 2 reasons. Firstly, I don't believed I well trained enough to deliver quality, especially when the topic are sometimes up to discussions rather than facts alone. Secondly, I have to frankly admit that English is bad. I constantly, consistently struggled with my English since young (The is only one person in the entire class who pronounced titanic as Tatanic, Grand Theft Auto as Grand Thief Auto, pedophile as "Peter-Bao". That's me). I will be mortified to showcase my poor command over English by constant showing bad mistakes.

In recent years, I seems to encounter a rising anti-Chinese language sentimental among young Singaporeans (This is due to many factors of course. Perhaps 1 factor may be the mindset that Singaporean are suppose to speak their mother tongue badly and excel in English. Speaking good Mother tongue, especially Chinese, associate themselves with certain..... group of people). This is such a sad thing. Every where in the world regard studying a second language a great advantage. Only Singaporean regards that as an obstruction as it potentially pull them down in the great paper chase. Seeing how my future peers struggled to teach the language, I felt guilty for studying, and not joining the fight together with them as of now. But I can I do? That's when the idea came in. Instead of sharing what I learnt, how about an attempt to translated Chinese value and Culture in English. Most hated the language and culture due to a lack of understanding. How about to clarify those? If the worst has arrived and English is officially our Mother Tongue, can culture and heritage taught in this way? As for the concern for a lack a knowledge and poor mistake, I have to take the leap of faith and trust my peers to correct me if I made a mistake (Proven when peers told me that I spell rambling incorrectly). But how do I start? It is by chance that I rewatch les miserable on plane and remember a lecture about the similarities and difference between Confucianism and Christianity. That is how the first Rambling was cooked up. Although I may sometime take a little liberties a stray bit away, it is still fundamentally a tradition Chinese way of thinking and appreciating. I know that this is foolish attempt and will not have any impact. By despite the foolishness in this, It still something worthy doing it isn't it

As for why the name Mindless Ramblings? Mindless in a sense that it is not a thesis. Boring people with thesis is against the objectives. And beside, to a well trained minds, thought process like this should be Mindless isn't it. As I know I am not a very humorous person (Every time I try to be make a joke, the joke is always on me). My things entertaining is really not my forte. Thus, to be honest with myself, I named it ramblings.

I going back to Taiwan tomorrow. So I will be this project to halt. Studying is a process of construct, deconstruct and reconstruct (I refrain from using the word learning as learning is more like acquiring a certain knowledge and skill set. Constructing is to gather all you have learn and construct a holistic interconnected database). I will want to keep the construct away to prevent interruption to the deconstruct process.

At a last note, Thank you for your patience as I have been constantly spamming on FB. And as Fb is not a good site to keep references, I copied and paste all ramblings to a newly created blog for future references (Which I don't believe anyone would want to make reference to them). For people who think that this is a façade, an act just to show off knowledge, feel free to think so. I am not accountable to you btw. For those you hope for a "2nd season", I would not dare to promise anything and allow me to end in a terminator way. "I Will Be Back"

[The Final Ramble........For Now]

For a final rambling (Finally this guy can stop spamming), I will like a share a quote from Menfucian which (I believe) still have relevance in our society. And to commemorate its finale, I will come up with a Singlish translation before the English translation. But before that, please allow me to explain two basic words to better understand... it context. The two words are 仁 ren commonly as benevolence and 义yi commonly translated as Justice.(If you are familiar with the Dynasty Warriors series, you will know that there is a particular faction that like to use these words, overdoing it in fact to the extent that it become a recurring joke). If you aren't interested in the explanation of the two concepts, just skipped the appetiser.

仁- For this word. I will like to use 3 ways to interpret it. The first method is known as 音训, interpretation via how the words are pronounced. One common complaint to the learning of the language is its freaking huge vocab and word bank. 90000 characters in the dictionary, each having its unique stroke! But do you ever wonder how these characters are created? There are a fewer that a thousand words in the past. How does this monster evolve? Simple enough. Like Pokemon, when your monster reach a certain level, it evolve to the next stage. Life are much simpler in the past, there were no need for so many words as there is no need to express too much. But as life gets sophisticated though ages, there is a need for more precise, specified and enriched expressions. Thus, from existing words, they added "parts" to them and form new words. Of course, this is not a suka suka process (Singaporean slang for "anyhow") and their meaning are connected. And we know their connection since the "root" word and the new word supposedly sound similar. For the cause of 仁, its 音训 would be 人, which mean Man. 仁 and 人, benevolence (Use this word) and people, what is the connection? it means For a Man/human to be a Man/Human, one must have this Ren. In menfucian sense, this is what differentiate us from beasts (Not in a scientific sense of course). Ok, so this Ren is suppose to be something everyone should have. What is it then? How is it being achieved. This come to the second and third method.

The second method is to use how the word is structured. For those who know Chinese, 仁is form by a symbol representing people/Man/Human (亻) and the word two(二), which literally means two man. It will mean that this Ren can only be realised or discovered through interactions with people. A third method, is to use interpretation by those who come before. As characters are mostly a symbol where meaning are given by people who came before. The traditional explanation will mean 爱人, commonly translated as loving people. But that's a cheap way of explaining it. It means more about feeling for other. There is example given by Menfucian: When you saw a kid about to be knocked down by the car, you would experience this feeling of shock, a sudden pain in the car. Do you have these feelings just to boast and show off to others than you are compassionate. Or do you have these feelings to make friends with the kids parents. Evidently, this ability to feel for others is the beginning of Ren. The above is the interpretation of Ren.

义: Since the basic has been explained, I will go faster with this one. The 音训 of 义is 宜, which means suitable. A even more suitable interpretation will be: suitable as you feel settled down. From the structure of the words, its a goat (羊) and a I (我). The symbol of the Goat associated itself with words like beauty (美) and goodness (善) and the notion of I will mean that it is beauty and goodness that I want or aspire to achieve. From the third method, we know that the meaning is 已之威仪也,which means the majestic awe-inspiring aura portrayed by self. Although Justice is not really a accurate translation, we can see connection between as they are all awe-inspiring and beautiful. Though the Chinese's concept empathise more self initiative and action to pursue them.

Ok, straight for the Main course. The Singlish translation is as followed:

Mencius go visit King Hui of Liang. The king said: Uncle, you come from far far away, must have good plan to profit my kingdom right?

Mencius relied: ai yo, why talk profit. Got Ren got Yi can olready. The king ask how to profit my country. Civil servants ask how to profit my family. Ordinary people ask how to profit myself. Then people from top till bottom from bottom to top just reap profit from one another lor. Then like that country gone case already. Profit never enough, in the end snatch la. However hor, I never heard of Ren people who neglect their papa mama, and Yi people who put themselves as the first consideration. Talk of Ren Yi, no talk profit can?

For those who don't understand local flavours, the following is a proper translation:

Mencius went to see king Hui of Liang. The king said "Venerable sir, since you come from a far.may I presume that you are provided with counsels to profit my kingdom?"

Mencius replied, 'Why must your Majesty use that word "profit?" What I am provided with, are counsels to Ren and Yi, and these are my only topics. 'If your Majesty say, "What is to be done to profit my kingdom?" the great officers will say, "What is to be done to profit our families?" and the inferior officers and the common people will say, "What is to be done to profit our persons?" Superiors and inferiors will try to snatch this profit the one from the other, and the kingdom will be endangered........ if righteousness be put last, and profit be put first, they will not be satisfied without snatching. There never has been a benevolent man who neglected his parents. There never has been a righteous man who made his sovereign an after consideration. Let your Majesty also say, "Benevolence and righteousness, and let these be your only themes." Why must you use that word - "profit?".'

When Sima Qian is writing the legend of Mencuis, he said "Whenever I look at the first line of his written works (Which is the quote I am sharing), I would put the book aside and gave a big sigh." I can totally relate to that. In a society where greed and lust are reverent as the savoir of the world, whereas values are swept like dust in the room. But what can be done? It is "necessary" for our world order as it determines economy success. Sighing is the only thing I can do.

[Mindless rambling 13]
It is interesting to note that the traditional interpretation of Chinese love poems is mostly not very romantic. Rather, the interpretation extend to areas like moral education, theory of management (Be it politics or business), attitude to life. The below are same iconic example. I will post the Chinese love poem (or Phrases from the poem) followed by an English translation... (Not by me obviously) and then the interpretation.

Example 1:
Chinese love Poem
关关雎鸠，在河之洲。窈窕淑女，君子好逑。
参差荇菜，左右流之。窈窕淑女，寤寐求之。
求之不得，寤寐思服。悠哉悠哉，辗转反侧。
参差荇菜，左右采之。窈窕淑女，琴瑟友之。
参差荇菜，左右毛之。窈窕淑女，钟鼓乐之。

English Translation

"Guan, guan!" go the fish hawks, on an islet in the river. The elegant virtuous maiden- the noble man would love to marry her.

The uneven water spinach-the water flows to the left and right. The elegant virtuous maiden- I will Seek her from day to night seek

Sought but cannot be gotten; Thinking of her day and night.Long, O long is the time; lying down you turn this way and that.

The uneven water spinach - pick it on the left and right. The elegant virtuous maiden- Befriending with the small and large zithers (Zither or string instruments are commonly used to symbolised harmony in a husband and wife relationship. Thus "befriending" is not a very accurate translation)

The uneven water spinach- pluck it on the left and right. The elegant virtuous maiden - gladden with the bell and drum.

Interpretation:
A women with pretty looks are common but Women with virtue are hard to come by. Thus, without the determination to endure long sleepless night seeking for them, wooing them, overcoming various test and obstacles, you won't be able to get what you want (Since they take pride in their virtue and will expect their counterparts to be of the same standards). The same applies for the business and politics, for they require talents to get things run. A talented man is easy to come by (Provide good Pays and benefits, they will come automatically. That's what the government says about pegging their pay with private sector isn't it?). Virtuous and talented men are however hard to come (Since they are more concern with the right cause rather than the right pay and benefits. they won't commit themselves easily as once they are committed, its loyalty to the bitter end. Thus they would want to spend time observing). Without determinate effort to search for them, to win their heart over, you won't get these talents. Furthermore, its important to note that one must still treat them with respect after successful courtship, like the last two verse of the poem describing harmonious marriage life.

Example 2:
Phrases
衣带渐宽终不悔 为伊消得人憔悴

English Translation:
Although my dress loosen gradually, I have no regret of getting more emaciated for you.

Interpretation:
Immediate stage when devoting time to a certain interest. One will relate to this feeling as we are willing to give ourselves up in an attempt to excel in it.

Example 3:
Phrases
众里寻他千百度，驀然回首，那人却在灯火阑珊处

English Translation
Having almost exhausted my energy searching for him/her , I suddenly turned my head, and there he/she is, standing at the far end of the street where the candlelight is the dimmest.

Interpretation:
The final stage when devoting time to a certain interest. As when we are dive deeper into the certain interest, we may lost our way - Perhaps being unable find the answer you want or forgot what we are seeking for. At the end of the journey, you will find that answer you are seeking for, is right there all along.

It is interesting to see the simplest things interpreted in different ways giving additional meaning that is fulfilling to life. It may seems funny for some, but I don't reject these "out of context" type of interpretation.

[Mindless rambling 12- part 2]

Most people assume that Filial Piety(孝) is simply obeying parents, making sure that they are well-fed when them are old. But in actual fact, they is much all to it.

Giving our parents money is how most of us trying to be filial towards our parents nowadays. However, that is what Confucian has warned against thousand of years ago. He said: "Most people think that being filial is to support our parents. However, we can do the same to dogs and horse (like pets). Without 敬(Jing, commonly translated as respect), how do we differentiate them?" As for the specific showing of this "Jing", Confucian made this comment when one of students queries about Filial piety.: "The difficulty is with the countenance. When their elders have any troublesome affairs, the young take the toil of them; When the young have wine and food, they set them before their elders. Is any of THIS to be considered filial piety?" As one can see, the feeling of respect is not just being held in our heart, it must be shown. Of course, one would say why the trouble. But I guess girls will understand this feeling, who always want their BF to show their love them rather than just having it. Is that all about filial piety? No. There is more to it.

The first thing to filial piety, is to take good care of yourself. As the ancient believed that our hair and body is a gift from our parents, taking care of it is to treasure their love and be filial (Thus ancient Chinese consider cutting the hair and tattoo the body as a mutilation to this gift and thus being not to filial). The second thing is to present yourself appropriately when you are outside your house, interacting with people. Simply because you actions represent your upbringing and how well your parents have taught you. If one do something disgraceful, it will reflected that your parents didn't really do a good job and thus shaming them. In Chinese language, we may scold someone as 沒家教 (not properly brought up) . It may seems normal when translated to English, but that is really a harsh and offensive remark to the Chinese as it is shaming a family. This are the foundation of Filial piety which is easily forgotten.

When someone asked Confucian what is Filial Piety, he said "When our parents, when alive, be served according to propriety; that, when dead, they should be buried according to propriety; and offering should be made them to according to propriety." Thus Filial Piety is continuous, from live, to dead, to afterlife. But why? What is the base of it? To put it plain, it is the acceptance of love and the reciprocity of it. We are loved unconditionally by our parents before we are born, taken care of when are weak and feeble. Is this loved be take for granted? Ancient Chinese to talk about feeling. How love to be felt and how it can to reciprocate back. After their passing, feelings of appreciations and loved will still being shown. As mentioned in previous, people may see that the "Living among living" , consistent offerings as superstitious, but isn't it good to believed that our loved one are still around us in other form of existence, loving us like the Movie Ghost (The main theme of the movie is Unchained Melody if it rings a bell)? There is this phrase in Chinese "信則有，不信則無" (If you believed in the existence of something, it will exist. If you don't believed it, it simply won't exist). Whether something factual exist is secondary. The most thing is whether we believed.

As an ending note, I shall share something interesting. During one of the offering rituals/ ceremony to the ancestors, the Grandson will wear a mask and play the persona of the ancestors, arriving to the offering site. He will have the honor to feast on the offerings and being serve by the family (Which are his elder obviously). It may seems funny, but it serve an education purpose. By serving the Grandson (playing the persona of the ancestor) they are telling the kid though action: "This is the way you should serve your parents". On side note the 成語 (Chinese idioms) 尸位素餐 is related to this ritual. The idiom means taking up a certain position and enjoying the benefit brought by it, yet one did not fulfill its obligation. 尸 is the formal term for the role that plays the personification of the ancestor. Since the kid is only playing the role of ancestor (Thus not doing what the ancestor is suppose to do -guiding the family ) and yet he enjoys the benefits of an ancestor (though its for a day), you can see why this idioms is formed

[Mindless rambling 12- part 1]

 As mentioned in the previous post, today’s topic will be shifting towards importance of offering to our ancestors. (But its a big topic, I will break it to parts to prevent a potential overload) Although that really seems superstitious to us, it has part of its root ironically, in a dynasty that is known to be not being superstitious- the Zhou dynasty (Establish around 1046 B.C).

The reason why the Zhou-reans are not begin superstitious is very simple, the dynasty before them, the Shang are very superstitious, believing the power of the supernatural and make extravagance offering, seeking their power and protection. After the Zhou-rean defeated the Shangs, they started thinking: Hey, the Shang has been making so many offering, prayers and stuff. Why the supernatural didn’t conduct a recuse attempt to their believers? Gradually, they rejected the notion of powerful supernatural beings (like god) giving guidance and power to believers. Instead, they began to rely on the value and virtue of Man. Does that mean that they total rub off the influence of Shang? They do get rid of most but changes some. They believed in the Mandate of Heavens. However, the main difference is, the mandate flavours the virtue, not the prayers and offerings. Evidence of this can be found in the Book of History (Which recorded some history during this era) they have phrases like “天聪明，自我民聪明; 天明威，自我民明威。”（The Heaven listen and hear though the eyes and ears of the people, The Heavens reward and punished through the people ）, “皇天無親，惟德是輔”（The Heavens is not close to anyone, they only assist those with virtue ）, “天不可信，我道惟甯王德延”( Heaven is not believable. Our way are extent by the virtues of Kings ). Academics coined the term “Humanism” to describe this shift in Paradigm. When Confucian was born several hundred years later (a time which the social and political system are at the verge of collapse), he further empathized that the virtue can be completed by every Man (Virtue in the past only applies to nobilities), being a dignified way of life even if circumstances encourages us to do otherwise (Further removing direct reference to certain mandate). For a culture who excel in moral education despite lacking of a religious institute (Which I definite as a system which includes a supreme being above all beings), Confucian do indeed done a very great job in upping the thinking in Humanism.

But why conducting rituals, making offering to the Heaven, Earth and Ancestor? Isn’t that still being Superstitious? Well, not believing in something doesn’t mean that I can be disrespectful for their potential existence (I cannot prove that they exist. But I can neither prove that it does not exist). Besides, WE do rely on Heavens and Earth and Ancestors to even exist in the first place, Can’t they show their appreciation to Papa heaven, Mama Earth, who unlike us modern-ers (simply ungrateful X) do not really pollute, the sky and destroy the earth? As for the offering to ancestors, it’s greatly tied to Filial Piety, a way of life that has been commonly misunderstood by most Singaporean Chinese. But since this post has been getting a bit too long, I should pause it for a while and continue tomorrow(Please forgive me, Its a rather complex topic).